I am not a very social person. I have a fairly small social network. I know the handful of friends I have fairly well. What I don’t do well is keeping track of birthdays. I just don’t track that except for my brothers. I usually send out a text to them on holidays. Given that I don’t do Facebook or any of the other social media platforms that would help me track them I fade in and out of tracking them myself and getting birthday greetings out.  It bothers me how this may make them feel. I tell myself that I really do care but am just not organized enough. Am I really? The real scary question for me last week was the extra credit question of who REALLY knows me.  If I look deep, really deep, and ask who knows me deep down, maybe 2 people. Only one person really, really knows me and my demons.

When you went through this exercise, how many people did you list that you really know? Is there anything common about them? Are most of them friends from growing up? Are they schoolmates? Are they people you know from work? Parents of your children’s friends? How much diversity is there in this group? Scrooge, being a businessperson, probably had a fairly large circle of people that he knew and who knew him. As we saw in last week’s session, not many really knew him nor Scrooge them.  Vulnerability is probably harder for us to manage than almost any other aspect of our being. It means we have to share our dreams, fears and insecurities with others. If I tell X that I …. Then they may not respect me, they won’t see me the same, maybe they will tell others and then they will tell others and then everyone will know that I ….   Ever have that thought or something close to it?   Why can you talk to a therapist but not your closest friend?

This Week’s Talk

The movies and the book spend some a fair amount of time on this part of the story line. Scrooge and the spirit are traveling through scenes related to someone’s passing and their associated arrangements. Then, the two move on to events and conversations that our imagination tells us are related to Scrooge. Nobody says his name for most of these vignettes but we know they are talking about Scrooge. People don’t want to attend his funeral; people steal his belongings. For me, this is a fun section of the story line. The people that have Scrooge’s belongings are observed taking them to a fence to cash them out. Each person, and the fence, are quote colorful and the whole event a bit humorous compared to how dark the rest of the story line is. I doubt that Dicken’s wrote it that way. Maybe it is just me? Imagine being able to observe how people react to your passing? I know I have talked to a lot of people, and I am not the only one who experienced this, when someone in the family passes away relatives come out of the wood work looking for handouts; family members become people we don’t recognize and steal and become greedy; instead of using the moment to honor the deceased it becomes all about the money and things. Make a will, and give things away while you are able to see the joy your actions bring those you give to.

This Week’s Assignment

The two ladies and the fence make some statements to each other about how they came to having the belongings they are there to cash out. One of the ladies with belongings to fence uses a great statement: “We’re not going to pick holes in each other’s coats, I suppose?”  It’s a colorful term but it is also a comment that resonates with me. I frequently hear people criticizing other people’s behaviors or actions. Take a good look at yourself, people. I have come to observe that in general the people that are the most outspoken and complain the most are frequently the worst offenders.

This week’s assignment, force yourself to be objective and observe your interactions with others. When you blow your horn in traffic, how hard would it have been to just let the person in and let it go? When you are complaining about people at work… what is it that you are doing that others could complain about? Listen to how much you complain, criticize others and demean them and see what you can do to stop yourself before you get too much negative momentum.  How much are you trying to force your views on others? What is it that makes you think your are right? For me, I am tired of the dysfunctionality of politics, in the government and from the people. Respect other’s views.  How often are you generalizing and lumping people and opinions into categories? It’s the Democrats turning this into something personal… The Republican’s judges have an agenda. The Democrats support voter fraud… Stop people. Really? How much of this has permeated your thought process and makes up who you have become?

See you next week…