“What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.” This quote is attributed to Ralph Waldo Emmerson but it is slightly off of what he actually wrote.  Spot-on regardless.  How glaring was the contrast between what you say you value and what you actually do?  As usual, if you tell me that you didn’t really see any large gaps, then I will tell you that you didn’t look hard enough. I really care about global warming yet I drive 20,000 miles a year mostly because I am prone to very long road trips. That really bothers me and I try to offset that where I can. I say I am positive but I know I am certainly more critical as a boss than I am supportive. I have to work on that. You?  Maybe sit down and make a list of 2 columns. One side is the top 10 things you care about. The other side is what you are doing that is not consistent with those values.

This Week’s Talk

Unintentionally, there were two messages in last week’s assignment so I will dig deeper into the second part here.  Speaking strictly for myself, when I hear people say, “I just say the truth?” or “I just tell it the way it is” I actually hear, “I am arrogant and narrow minded and completely unwilling to consider other perspectives.” Very little in life is that straight forward.  There is a whole world to investigate around the concepts of Choice Blindness, Decision Economics and Introspection Illusion.  Since this blog is about becoming the best you, not just about A Christmas Carol, I wanted to dig into these issues.  There is no shortage of books about how people make bad personal decisions, and about how companies make bad decisions. Individuals and organizations have blind spots for a multitude of reasons. Lack of education, failure to consider the law of unintended consequences, ignorance, lack of diversity of experience, being closed minded, people afraid to speak up and risk their jobs and careers. The list goes on and on.  What’s my point?  There are many areas of your life where reality is highly subject to interpretation. For you to make the most of life, you need to be more intentional, more structured, and slow down your reactions. Beyond being open minded, you need to force yourself to think about what could go wrong, how you could be wrong, or how other options could produce better outcomes.

I recently heard about a business process of doing a “Premortem”.  This is just like what we are all familiar with as a postmortem except it is performed BEFORE actions are taken. It is a highly structured review of an issue and how things can go wrong. By forcing a group to find ways that things can go wrong a better outcome can be achieved. This is true with life.  This exercise isn’t about thinking about what could go wrong. It starts with the premise that it WILL GO WRONG.  The exercise includes making a list of what will go wrong and then figuring out what could cause that specific thing to go wrong. In starting with the assumption that it will go wrong it biases our brain to accept that reality and then move forward with identifying how this could happen. That is just the way our brain works. You may think that we are open minded. You may think we would identify the same things if we approach this the normal way by asking what could go wrong Vs starting with the assumption it will go wrong but experience shows that is not the case.

How does this help you be a better you? Simply, “Whether you believe you can do a thing or not, you are right.” Henry Ford.  Words have power, words come back to haunt us. Be very careful in your words, said and thought, for they will determine your destiny. Take the time for force yourself to identify how you could be wrong and you will get better results in life.

This Week’s Assignment

Picking up where we left off last week, we are still at the Cratchits wrapping up their dinner.  Scrooge has shocked by the reality that Tiny Tim may not be here next year. Scrooge sees that despite limited means, the Cratchits are happy and having a loving time together. The Cratchits are about to salute the day and as Bob starts to recognize Mr. Scrooge as the founder of their feast Mrs. Cratchit interrupts and refers to Scrooge as “an odious, stingy hard, unfeeling man…”  I really like this scene. First it is the only place I can ever recall the word odious being used. Secondly, I like how Mrs. Cratchit calls out Bob for knowing that his boss is not worthy of praise. Thirdly, I like the fact that beside Bob not “liking” Scrooge, that he was willing to acknowledge that Scrooge did provide the means to which the party was possible, and finally, I really like the fact that Scrooge is forced to hear what people really think of him. By being invisible, he cannot intimidate people or pressure them in any way and be forced to hear the truth.

What I am asking you to do this week is to take the above activity of forcing an outcome and then listing how that could be. So, for this week,  start with the assumption that people don’t like you, don’t respect you, don’t believe in you… and then force yourself to find reasons why? If you go through this exercise and can’t find reasons, then you are in denial. Take another week if necessary. I guarantee that there are people out there that others think are reasonable that don’t align with some aspect of you. Figure out why that could be so that you can do a better job of interacting with them.

See you next week…